Welcome In, Sorry I’m a Mess…

…So What’s this Blog About?…

Hello dear readers! Firstly we’ll get any cock teasing out the way, this is a dating blog. After almost seven years of continued relationships, being all alone is a change of pace for me. It’s time to stop whining to my friends and start being educational goddamnit, plus if I vent on here then I can’t tell when I’m being ignored. I’ve been single for one year now and currently the only significant people in my life are these cheeky chappies:

and they both hog the sheets

I suppose the aim is to be educational? I’m not used to flirting with men and I’m pretty tragic at it. This lovely exchange will attest to my amazing chat up lines:

Just…ouch…

 

Yes, that happened… My Tinder game is about as strong as a malnourished Gandhi, persistent but not someone you want to be your spotter. As part of my emotional journey I want to start dating men I wouldn’t usually go for. My usual type is insecure white guys who are well-meaning but terrible at arguing back, apparently I’m a sexual tyrant. This model of dating hasn’t worked for the past seven years so maybe its time to start seeking other Hitlers of the heart. So sit back, join me in a G&T and prepare to cringe…

I plan to emulate the first pioneer of dating horrors, Bridget Jones (which I now realise set up some pretty unrealistic standards in later life, where is my Darcy?). Each week there will be a running report at the bottom of each post to give you the quick facts at a glance.

Stats:

Exercise: I played Just Dance and speed smoked a cigarette.

Weight: Potato.

Diet: Today I ate my feelings.

Dates: 1

Check in next time, where Sam finds out that self-esteem doesn’t come from a power walk…

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