…That, is my morning mantra…
So I’ve had a tough time finding what to write about this week, mostly due to lack of men. I was out of time for cock this week, ‘writers cock’ if you will, but a innocent lunch today shed light on a possible booty call. To start I don’t understand booty call stigma, I’ve been in relationships for seven years, sometimes its nice to have a glass of wine and go home to Netflix (Netflix doesn’t mind if your not into hugging…). The only issue is that the guy in question is my first Ex boyfriend…
Aaaaaaaaannnd hes gotten super into weed…
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnddd he’s in a relationship….
Hear me out… Firstly Bruce is off the scene, our dinner never materialised and an old flame of his came back from university so he ignored me these past two weeks (although now he is lonesome again SUDDENLY he loves everything I post on Facebook… I’d have to remove my eyes from my sockets to roll them adequately). Game of Thrones boy has gone cold after I refused to go over to his house for a ‘cuddle’, seriously men, I’m much more likely to come over if you say ‘lets fuck’ and be honest about the whole thing. Finally it turns out that deaf guy is too paralysed by shyness to bother to ask me out, lack of hearing I can deal with, lack of a spine is a deal breaker.
I know that your thinking ‘Be more proactive, if you want a date ask these cowardly worms!’ Which I entirely agree with, but if you want to go into this temple, then you at least have to drag you lazy ass over to it first (entrance is free, even during peak times and holidays *wink wink*).
Top tip #21: Make analogies that make your body sound like a shitty church in Glasgow…
This all leads me back to the awkward Ex boyfriend hookup, I have two good arguments as to why I should do it. 1) I wouldn’t have to worry about how I look, he already thinks I’m gorgeous AND has seen me throw up naked, so very low maintenance on my part. 2) Despite being bad in bed when we were together six years ago, he may have learnt some things since then and THE LAST GUY COULDN’T EVEN GET IT IN (that statement really should trump any argument you have against this).
Now for the sanctity of his relationship. My thinking is thus; If a cow gets killed for steaks, my vegetarianism won’t stop the next cow getting killed. If his relationship is on a downward spiral and hes cheating, why not join the queue for a free steak? I’m not planning on having a relationship with him, I just want to have sex once or twice. Plus plenty of people sleep with people in relationships all the time without realising it, If you cut a tree down in the woods and no one hears it, you’ve still got a dead tree.
What do you guys think? Has one too many bad guys made me apathetic (Dickathetic?) or do I have the moral compass of a particularly drunk organ harvester? You guys have one week before I make this possible mistake, the worse that can happen is that I get caught, but I can just plead guilty to ignorance (If he never talks about the possibility of a relationship then how was I to know?).
Top tip #12 Keeps everyone’s expectations of you on the floor, then you’ll only impress.
I will post about the Black Cock guy after this I promise! Plus I have a more in depth article about Game of Thrones guy on the horizon.
Cigarettes: Well I just brought some pink ones from Holland, it would be a crime NOT to smoke them.
Diet: Holland was a double edged sword…
Exercise: I have actually lost weight! it was such an accomplishment that I binged on sushi so I’m back at square -1
Dates: This week has been a desert but the weekend and Bruce fast approach (yeah I might still go there…)